Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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