No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
