I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
God, I missed his penis.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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