You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
