Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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