So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
