fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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