Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
