Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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