Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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