Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
