And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
