She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
