So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
