I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
