It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
PANTIES FOUND
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