can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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