whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
