I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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