This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
