Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
