Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
this hospital has no fireball
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
