Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
