he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
