I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
