p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
