So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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