your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're like the curious george of whores
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
A+ Viking dick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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