I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
