So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
