Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this boner is exhausting
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize