saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
