She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
