Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
