I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
