the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
