I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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