I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
