Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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