Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
