First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
