and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize