dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
