Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Randomize
