I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
