he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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