i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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