I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
