you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
