thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize