i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
