i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
