If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
