I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
