8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
