I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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