In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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