He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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