remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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