just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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