i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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