help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
