I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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