He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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