i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
