Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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