your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
