this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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