apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
