On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
